LegalMatch Marketing

The 5 Worst Lawyer Websites

Let’s be frank: the legal industry is responsible for producing some of the most poorly crafted marketing campaigns in history excluding the IBM graffiti campaign of 2001. If you somehow aren’t familiar with lawyers’ tacky television ads, let the infamous Lowell “the Hammer” Stanley serve as your reference point.

Sure there’s probably some kind of subculture that actually likes these half-baked schemes but most of us, especially lawyers who still respect the profession, want to smack these guys in their faces. It’s like Billy Mays marketing the Shamwow & Snuggie Law Group while coming off meth - shaky ground at best.

Most practices are turning to online marketing by creating websites that end up looking more ill conceived than a Jocelyn Wildenstein and Lyle Lovett lovechild. Here’s our list of the Top 5 Worst Attempts at Marketing a Legal Practice online.

5. http://www.brentbuckman.com/

Design Flaw: Ridiculous amount of font colors, scrolling text, and the fact that his “Reviews” are off-the-cuff interview comments from two celebrities.

Projected Red Flag: When you run into him in a bar and he introduces himself saying “Hi, I’m Brent Buckman; you may recognize me from the Apprentice.” Or it could be the bootlegged highlight reel he makes you watch as your consultation is billed away in 6 minute increments of your loathing.

4. http://www.casedismissed.us/

Design Flaw: An overwhelming amount of text that that is broken up by haphazard purple and blue highlighting. I bet it looked cutting edge on dial-up internet like the New Jersey Board of Bar Examiners site.

Projected Red Flag: Sure, I may be able to get past that Al Capone mug-shot at the top; but when you list that you speak "Mexican", and then have the huevos rancheros to put it right next to the other language you speak: "Espanol," you’re not thorough - just stupid.

3. http://www.enjlawyer.com/

Design Flaw: The plain manila folder background, the photo of him saying “Drrrrr, I mean, uhhhhhhhhh” in front of the microphones, offending spacing between sections, and the stock photos that are accompany his areas of practice. I also enjoy the personal injury page that looks nothing like the design of the website; it must have been tough to switch from Geocities.

Projected Red Flag: He represents you for free if it’s your first marijuana possession charge. But hey, it’s hard for a guy who looks like a cop to score some weed.

2. http://www.lawyers.com/ohlmeyerlaw/

Design Flaw: I would argue that the picture was too large but I understand that they needed to get all of their dead crocs in. Oh, and the gun just in case that rascally critter comes back to life. They provide no real information about their practice, certifications, or background other than a loose relation to Col. Sanders.

Projected Red Flag: You sit on one of the many chairs covered with dusty pelts and Augustus Gloop kicks his gator skin boots up on the desk as continues calling you “Boy.” Another would be when he tells you about how great Gator huntin’ on the fan boat ride home is as he pretends to shoot them with the pistol he actually carries.

1. http://www.Runnelslaw.com/

Design Flaw: Forgetting the internet exists outside middle-earth.

Projected Red Flag: She calls you an ignorant racist for coming to the Temple of the Frog and not learning the language. Ava vanta i salquessë, Runnel, Nostach be Orch gaer. (Keep off the grass, Runnel, you smell like 10 orcs.)

Breaking News: New Study Finds People View Those Who Text While Driving as Dangerous, Public Asks Why Funding a Study for This Was Needed

Ever get that feeling when you first slip into the driver’s seat of your car that today’s the day you’ll get into an accident?  That despite all those hours you endured being belittled by your driving instructor, aka mom and/or dad, on the importance of safe driving that your spotless driving record, and possibly even life, may all come to an end because someone was trying to catch a green light or was too busy chatting on their phone?  If you have, then you’re not alone.

According to a new study conducted by the Obvious Police, aka the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, over a third of drivers feel less safe driving today than they did in 2004.

What’s gotten people so scared?  Apparently, AAA says it’s you — John Smith (it’s not really due to just that one guy, I just like the image of all the John Smiths reading this collectively furrowing their eyebrows in anger).  Specifically, the report cites drivers who text or email while driving as the numero uno factor causing motorists to feel unsafe, and with good reason.

It’s no secret that texting while driving is incredibly dangerous (second news flash, smoking causes cancer).  What’s surprising is that over sixty percent of people do it and nearly a fifth of drivers do it despite knowing the risks.  Coming in second on the list of fears is distracted driving, e.g. people putting on make-up or writing that big presentation while driving, followed by the infamous cell phone-yapping driver.

The odd part is that the current number of driving-related fatalities in America is actually at it’s lowest since 1961 and has been declining since this wonderful recession we’re (still) in hit. Theories abound as to why this is the case.  Most analysts say it’s the bad economy coupled with high gas prices that are keeping people from driving and opting to bus it everywhere instead.  More aggressive traffic ticketing from highway patrol may be another cause keeping drivers off the road.  And ironically enough fear of getting into an accident due to the aforementioned distracted driver may all play a large part in reducing driving deaths and car crashes, as well.

Our own in-house statistics seem to support this newly reported trend, too.  The number of automobile accident cases received by LegalMatch has gradually decreased since 2004.  An interesting side note is that the number of divorce cases LegalMatch has received have slowly increased in close portion.  Maybe the bad economy coupled with that old adage of strength and comfort in numbers has caused couples to carpool and hence want to scratch each other eyes out.  People, there’s something called personal space, you need it.

Despite the seemingly lower chances of getting into a fatal car accident, the fear of texting cell phone-talking drivers is still keeping many once-proud motorists at bay, or more specifically on buses and bicycles.  Ba-da-bump…  I would recommend that you all have nothing to fear, but I’m just as worried as the majority of Americans.  On the bright side, at least my legs will get ripped from biking 12 miles everyday.

For more information, please feel free to check out LegalMatch's LegalCenter that contains a law library, forums, legal tips, and important information you should know.

Legal Process Outsourcing Takes Hold in India.

Outsourcing legal work is nothing new. Secretarial services within the States have been taking on legal paperwork for years, and more than a few overwhelmed lawyers have sent off their legal busywork to LPO[1]-focused legal firms. What is new is the expansion of that legal outsourcing to offshore LPOs in countries like India, many of whom dangle a tempting price tag in front of financially strained attorneys.

While outsourcing in the United States often means paying $7-10 per page for legal work, workers in India are now offering those same services at an average of $1 per page—a nearly 100% decrease[2]. Price differences that extreme add up very quickly for larger, paper-heavy firms, many of whom are now dropping their in-house fees in favor of saving their clients (and themselves) a heavy chunk of change.

More on making outsourcing part of your marketing plan in the next LegalMatch newsletter.

[1] LPO: Legal Process Outsourcing.
[2] Rubenstein, Michael. "Call My Lawer... In India." Time Magazine, April 2008.